I tell you more about the gig in Utrecht last week : I was playing friday, last friday, at Ekko - in Utrecht a city, clothed to Amsterdam- a small and nice venue, around 300 capacity...It was full, it was great... it was good, a good gig.
Our feeling was good ;) ... For once, i had a beautifull sound on stage. For once, we were happy - i mean all the team all the musicians of the band was happy. People in audience seemed to be very very glad, or fascinated...
I had a big fear the 15 days before... something deep inside of my heart.
the 11th december was the birthday of my father's dead, when i was 7.
My head was turning and turning like in a mental conflict : would he be proud of me? or not really? in fact, i'm not sure of anything... i hope that love is over doubt!
Then, now, i hope, this time i succeded to accept his death. He had given the flow of life...
sometimes i feel stupid... i give my life for music... it is a hard job, tiring, really tiring with nights... rehearsals late, midnight... travel, bus, train, or van... early in the morining, late at night... tired. exhausted. too often... etc... and i whish to do it well... but i'm really bitten or passionated or in love with music, like a country where i could escape - it is like a church, a religion. it is something that i can't change. it is a vocation... or my blood ;) or what for my soul is in mission on earth and happy, may be a reason to live? i don't know...
sometimes i've got happiness! with children, snow, or music. My children are so happy today : it is snowing... snow for christmas...
I try to keep in my mind the small moments of happiness to be strentgh to make my work, because of the label CAM_LY RECORDS, that i created last year, i've got so much papers to do or to send... or files to try to have subvention... calculation... booking... so much things... and it is not music...
when to find the times?
the time goes so fast
I knew the price of life because of my father death...
it was,a present that he gave to me
( and unfortunately so many years with tears)
it is a big present to know very young the price of life.
Because of that i chose to be an artist. It could have been actress, painter, or a singer... but i've got only 2 arms and may be i chose the hardest thing (for me, i was to shy to give that vibration)...
I like to do it. to be in life. Thank you mother, thank you father. I miss you both, i miss your loves.
